TO MY SWEET BOY.

We've been writing letters to the wee one in a notebook so one day he can read about what we were feeling during this season. When cleaning out an office at my parents house, my sister and I stumbled on letters my mom had written us when we were babies, letters I don't know if she even remembers she wrote, and it was so special to read them. I consider this site somewhat of a general journal of our life, at least in the snippets of writing, so I am including my letter from today just so I have it in this place as well.

--

My sweet boy, 

Three-ish more weeks. Give or take. Your arrival comes in a very full season for us, but it feels like the only thing that matters. We have tried to be working on our new home, finishing up our second cookbook, celebrating the plethora of May birthdays that you will also be contributing to, and staying present with friends and family, but you are what I think about in and through it all. Our life has changed with you in my belly - you've slowed me down, I don't cook as much and I'm blaming you for my grocery basket being filled with chips and ice cream instead of green vegetables; my wardrobe is extremely limited and we're trying to furnish a tasteful and understated nursery for you down the hall. Life has looked different these past nine months, but nothing compared to what is around the corner for us. Our whole life will change in the matter of a day, hours really. You can read and prepare and talk about that, but I don't think we really have any idea.

I tear up when I imagine you being laid on my chest for the first time. I am so fearful of the process but so anxious for you - to hold you and know you. Your dad and I just lay in bed and watch my belly at night, your most active time, and guess what body parts of yours we're feeling. We pat your buns (which could be your head and if so, we're sorry) and tap your legs (or arms, who knows), trying to guess if you're going to be tall like your dad. I think you are but that's just a suspicion based on the appendages I feel you jabbing into my rib cage. You will be lucky to acquire traits from your dad - I know I repeat that in these letters, but may it further convince you of how madly in love with him I am. He is such a wonderful person. My favorite. You will grow up to admire and trust him, and oh, will he make you laugh. He will teach you things and care for you deeply, so I just ask that you respect him. I now share his heart with you and it is our duty to love him well. We are so lucky to have him. 

I have two close friends who are in the throws of medical appointments and surgeries with their sick babies. It breaks my heart, and while I desperately pray for their families, for miracles and healing of these babies, I am so hopeful that you are healthy in there and getting everything you need. The truth is, and what I have witnessed from these brave mothers, is that you are not my own, and I will not always be able to protect you. I have learned that hurt and sickness and disappointment and terrible things happen and that is part of the world we live in, unfortunately. I believe we are called to live faithfully here, to be gracious characters in our own story and live generously even when things don't seem 'fair.' You'll realize soon enough that things rarely are but life is incredibly better when you get over that and see how special and beautiful it can be anyway. I hope to live a life that sees the beautiful and positive - to be a good example of that for you. I imagine you will make that easier for me as I get to bear witness to your life. Gah, I can't wait!

Your room is not done and I don't think we have enough socks for you but we are as ready as we'll ever be. We're imperfect people who are going to love you like CRAZY.

Hope you're well and snuggled and snoozy in there. Enjoy your alone time. You're a few short weeks away from so many people who are dying to hold you. You're really in for something great, my sweet boy. 

I love you, 

Mom

AUTUMN SALAD WITH HORSERADISH VINAIGRETTE + NEWS!

Autumn Salad with Horseradish Vinaigrette . Sprouted Kitchen

I'm pregnant! We're pregnant is what you say, I suppose, but I'm the one in the stretchy pants over here. So many things to say about this, friends, but I'm at a loss for words at the same time. This may be more of a generally-emotional-lady thing, so bear with me, but you know when you feel outside of yourself? Like little crazy trolls are frantic in your head making you irritable and easily bringing you to tears. Sometimes the trolls rest, but I generally feel a little... off. I have another human in my belly and trolls in my mind and I'm in absolute amazement that our bodies make people. I still can't believe it.

I have wanted to be a mom my entire life. I have never once doubted it. I was a big sister, and I mothered my little sister the moment she came home from the hospital. I covered her whole body in diaper cream and bossed her around. I mothered my own mother, too, from time to time. I would ask if she had her purse when we left the house and remind her to get gas when the dash light went. I enjoy taking care of people, I am a nurturer, I ask questions and listen for the answer, I love a really good, meaningful hug and a good cuddle. All I know is that this baby in my tum? I have desired him/her for as long as I can remember.

I'm so excited to be doing this with Hugh. He will be so good at being a dad. That is one of the things I am most excited to watch. I'm aware we're both imperfect people, figuring things out as we go, and I'm ok raising a family without having everything together. That's something I hope our child sees in us early on - that you do the best you can to love people well. You give and listen and compromise and work hard and stay present and use good manners and be honest and soak up the worlds' beauty, but remain aware that we're fallen people just doing our best, and you are completely loved anyway. I am so freaking excited to love this person. I tear up when I think of meeting you, baby. Every time. Do you feel me rub my belly when I get up to go to the bathroom 100x through the night? I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I giggle to myself that there will now be another person to observe our quirkyness. I hope we don't completely embarrass it, even though that sounds inevitable if I remember my teen years correctly. Hugh and I are silly and laugh a lot and we're a little bit weird, but we have the greatest time. Gah! I am so excited this little person will be joining the silly. We've been waiting for people to join our home office dance party. It's only a matter of time now, baby.

So here we are. A precious baby coming end of May. Thank you for your patience while things have been a bit slow around here. I am not getting much cooking done, unfortunately. I am currently in a bean and cheese burrito phase. This is only after we've passed through cold cereal (there are so many types!), french fries, a fruit-heavy week, and a very short (gasp) cheeseburger stint. I feel a little outside myself and somehow wonderfully confident that we are as ready as we can be for this. With full hearts... Sara, Hugh and the nugget.

P.S.

It needs to be said that getting pregnant was not easy for us. It took longer than we expected. We had some tests done, and we were told that we wouldn't be able to conceive on our own without alternative methods... which turned out not to be the case, thankfully. That season weighed heavy on my heart - something I wanted to talk about here but it didn't feel quite right. My heart is so tender for the woman who desires a child and is having a tough time getting pregnant. One month or two years of hoping, waiting and being disappointed, only to run the cycle again - not enough people talk about how that feels. Lady, huge hugs to you. You feel defeated, like your body is failing you, that it is SO EASY for everyone else. It doesn't feel any better when people tell you, "It will happen when it's supposed to happen," that just makes you feel more frustrated and want to punch them in the face. I may be on the other side for now, but I wanted to express some empathy for this group because it's a dark place to be and it feels super lonely. My suggestion to you is to find people - even when it seems easy for everyone else, I guarantee you there is someone else having a tough time or another woman who has a story. Talk about it, find a confidant, it will help keep your head above water.

Autumn Salad with Horseradish Vinaigrette . Sprouted Kitchen

Autumn Salad with Horseradish Vinaigrette . Sprouted Kitchen

AUTUMN SALAD WITH HORSERADISH VINAIGRETTE // Serves 6

This is a deconstruction for my sister. She had a similar salad at True Food Kitchen(side note, they have a gorgeous cookbook) and asked me to replicate it so she could bring it to Thanksgiving. The original had dried mulberries in it, and I think you could sub in cranberries or cherries, but I skipped this. I would consider the amount here a moderate addition of horseradish in the dressing. If you like a kick, want a more forward flavor, add more. There is no dairy in this salad as written, but next time, I'll be adding a generous sprinkling of parmesan on top and a dollop of creme fraiche to the dressing. 'Tis the season :) 

• 3/4 lb. brussel sprouts
• 3/4 lb. cauliflower florets
• 3 cups butternut squash, in 1/2'' cubes
• 2 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
• 1 Tbsp. white balsamic
• 3/4-1 tsp. sea salt
• 1 tsp. fresh ground pepper
• 1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
• few pinches of cayenne
• 1 cup cooked white beans (great northern, cannellini etc.), rinsed and drained
• 1/2 cup pomegranate seeds
• 2 packed cups arugula
• 1 Tbsp. prepared horseradish
• 1 large clove garlic
• 1/2 a shallot
• 1 tsp. honey
• 2 Tbsp. white wine vinegar
• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 1/2 tsp. each sea salt and pepper, to taste
• handful of fresh chives and/or parsley
• dollop of creme fraiche, optional

Autumn Salad with Horseradish Vinaigrette . Sprouted Kitchen

Preheat the oven to 400'. Cut the brussels in half length wise, and cut the cauliflower into similar size chunks. Add both of these and the squash to a large rimmed baking tray. Drizzle the vegetables with the olive oil, balsamic, salt, pepper, nutmeg and few pinches of cayenne and toss everything together with your hands to coat. Roast in the upper third of the oven for 35 minutes until edges are browned.

While the vegetables roast, make your dressing. In a mini blender or processor, combine the horseradish, garlic, shallot, honey, white wine vinegar, olive oil, salt and pepper, herbs and creme fraiche, if using. Blend everything together to mix well. taste for salt and pepper and set aside.

As soon as the hot tray is out of the oven, add the beans onto the tray and toss everything together. Allow the vegetables to cool to room temperature. Add the pom seeds, arugula and a good drizzle or the dressing and toss everything to coat. Sprinkle with a little parmesan if you please.

This salad is served at room temperature, could be served cold as well if you chill the roasted vegetables.

Autumn Salad with Horseradish Vinaigrette . Sprouted Kitchen

BELGIUM + AMSTERDAM

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam

A few more notes on recent travel. We took the high speed train from Paris to Antwerp, Belgium. We stayed there for a few nights and then up to Amsterdam for a few nights. I don't have as comprehensive of lists for these locations as we cooled it a little after the passionate approach we took to eating and drinking in Paris.

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam

// BELGIUM //

The train station in Antwerp is worth a stop in itself. It has won awards for train station design (What? Yes. That exists.) and is just beautifully done. We stayed at Atelier 20 B&B which was on the quaint grounds of St. Paul's Cathedral. The couple that runs the place was super helpful and friendly and I don't think I've ever had a lovelier view from my bedroom window (the first image in this post). A few blocks up was Normo, a great coffee shop where Hugh could get his coffee nerdery fix. We also visited Caffenation. I found a tiny little raw place where I could get some fresh juices, a welcomed beverage when my greens quota was far below average, Eten Vol Leven. Belgium is into beer and frites so to do as the Belgians do, we spent a few evenings at The Paters Vaetje. This was a "brown bar" local dive sort of place with over a hundred Belgian beers. It was not "sprouted kitchen-esque" per se, but we had a great time watching people. Maybe the most eclectic lunch experience was at Lombardia for veggie burgers. The menu in itself was confusing but the food proved simple and good. We enjoyed a few Thai dinners, pizzas take-away from a nearby Italian spot and grocery store provision picnics. We wandered the Grote Market (lovely at dusk - my favorite time to stroll). While we didn't make it to the MAS, you can get your art fix there.

We spent one day in Brugge (which in my opinion, is all the time you need there). It is known for the retention of its original European charm. We had a light lunch at Le Pain Quotidien which started in Belgium despite having dozens of locations now. We collected chocolates and speculoos treats while weaving through the small streets. I don't think I've ever seen such a density of chocolate shops.

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam

// AMSTERDAM //

We rented an apartment in the Jordaan area, a great neighborhood, and I really loved having the extra space and kitchen. It was less expensive than a hotel too. We gathered produce and goodies for the apartment at the Noordermarkt. Bought the best brownies either of us have had in awhile at one of the bakery stands. They were some cross between a pudding cake and brownie and muffin which sounds heavey, but in truth they were just right. We may have walked away with a bag full.

There was apple cake down the street at the highly suggested Winkel. The cake was great, but I wouldn't recommend getting food there. It seems they ride off the reputation of that cake. I really enjoyed the deli salad plate atBuffet van Odette while watching the world go by on the corner patio. Brunch at Lovefood HQ - which has a sort of British spin to the menu. A little ways out of town is Restaurant De Kas (as seen in a few of these photos). It is a restaurant within a reconstructed green house and the space is just phenomenal. They source most of their food from a nearby farm and the menu changes daily. We found Stach while packing up travel snacks for the trip home. Lots of great salads, sandwiches, yummy homemade muesli and last minute gifts.

Travel and night strolls go hand in hand for us. Europe is charming by day, but my heart puddles a bit when I see it lit up in the evening. The canal streets in Amsterdam are perfect for this. A good night walk is best accompanied by a good hot chocolate (just a note for the first-time Amsterdam traveler: a "coffee shop" is not always a coffee shop. If you go looking for hot cocoa, you're just as likely find, um, something more potent than caffeine).

Ever fascinated by the holocaust, I LOVED going through the Anne Frank Museum. A must. We also saw the FOAM photography museum, something you could probably do in under an hour. There are only four exhibitions, so I would suggest checking what they are online to see if they are of interest. You can take the free ferry across over to The Eye where you can see a movie and/or have a drink in their restaurant with a phenomenal view of the city. You really must rent bikes, at least for a day or two. We rode around through Vondelpark, a great spot for walking or picnicing as well.

One of my favorite parts of this leg of the trip was meeting Sarah Britton of My New Roots while she was in town teaching a few classes. I believe I have a sixth sense of reading people, and I know a good egg when I see it. Sarah is as light and wonderful as you'd assume from reading her site. I left our chat feeling inspired and grateful for what a tangled and fantastic world the blogsphere is.

We planned to have a nice dinner out our last evening, but ran into all my final choices being closed on Mondays (I had lots of recs for Balthazars, but we were there all nights it was closed. Add it to your notes to check out). We grabbed pizzas from La Perla and an inexpensive twist top cabernet from the market, talked highs and lows of the trip and made a list of all the places in the world we hope to see. It was my favorite meal of the entire trip, just sitting on a park bench, laughing in retrospect at my mid-trip hormonal meltdown. Food is as good as the company you keep while dining. You are my favorite person, Hugh Forte.

“We ate well and cheaply and drank well and cheaply and slept well and warm together and loved each other.”

― Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

sprouted kitchen belgium and amsterdam