SWEET + SAVORY CORNMEAL WAFFLES

I'm reading Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist very slowly. Slowly because I honestly don't read for pleasure that often, and I like to savor the self-help/spiritual sort of books instead of plow through them. I know it's not new, but a friend lent it to me and I can't really think of a better time to read it than the beginning of summer. I'm just shy of halfway through and while I am not exactly Shauna as she describes herself (busy, extroverted, over booked), a lot of what she writes feel familiar to what goes on in my own head. I get overwhelmed easily, so I'm learning how to respect my own pace. I'm trying to ask my mom for help and book baby sitters a week in advance so I can work, I need at least a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood for my sanity but more time to exercise is ideal. I know that one play date in a day is usually enough for my introverted self, that I don't like taking both kids to a grocery store, and NO ONE accompanies me to a mall. I am quieter in groups and feel most connected relationally in a more vulnerable, one on one conversation. I have learned most of these things by not having them and missing them. It sounds high maintenance written out, but I'd like to think of it as figuring out who I am and what I need and just owning it. She describes it as learning when to say "no." She has these few paragraphs that made all those feelings feel permissible: 

"What's changing everything for me is a new understanding that we get to decide how we want to live. We get to shape our days and our weeks, and if we don't, they'll get shaped by the wide catch-all of "normal" and "typical," and who wants that?
"You can live on a farm or out of a backpack. You can work from your kitchen or in a high-rise. You can worship in your living room or a cathedral. Isn't that beautiful? And exciting? And so full of freedom? ...You get to make your life. In fact, you have to. And not only can you make it, you can remake it."

And then a few chapters later she says, "and I know that should is one of my warning signs - that frequently I pay more attention to how I should feel about something than how I actually do feel about it." That all seems related and familiar to me. Anyway. Perhaps I'll have more nuggets for you when I get to finishing it, but I like sharing things I need reminding of myself in the meantime.  

I book marked these waffles from Nicole's new book that focuses on poetry inspired by food and cooking and eating and all things involved with that. She shares poems, her notes and a collection of recipes that are tied to the writing for her. This house is an easy sell on waffles of all kinds. The kids prefer sweet and I insist that an egg in the morning helps me stay full so I made a savory version for myself and Hugh. You don't have to complicate anything, they are perfectly fine with butter and maple or plain yogurt. To wake up to them halfway done, I'll make the strawberry sauce the night before and then mix all the dry ingredients in a bowl so all I have to do in the morning is mix in the wet ingredients. Spoken from someone who gets the request for waffles often.

SWEET + SAVORY CORNMEAL WAFFLES // Serves 4
Waffle recipe adapted from Eat this Poem by Nicole Gulotta

You could keep these gluten free by using a gluten free all purpose flour. To make them dairy free, you could replace the buttermilk with a dairy free version - generally 1 cup plant based milk with 1 Tbsp. vinegar or lemon juice. The waffles' texture is sort of dry, as cornmeal sucks up moisture, making them perfect for a generous amount of toppings. To get ahead, make the waffles and keep them warm in a 250' oven while you cook the rest. The strawberry sauce can be made in advance and rewarmed in a small pot. 

3/4 cup cornmeal, medium or fine ground
3/4 cup unbleached all purpose flour
1 1/4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1 cup buttermilk
1/3 cup maple syrup
2 eggs
3 Tbsp. melted butter or neutral oil, plus more for the waffle iron

*If you are making the strawberry sauce, start there, as that is hands off once you get them in the oven.

Whisk the cornmeal, flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl. In a glass measuring cup or another bowl, whisk the buttermilk, maple, eggs and butter or oil together. Add the wet to the dry ingredients and gently stir until just combined. Let the mixture hydrate for 5 minutes or so while your waffle iron heats up. 
Once hot, grease your waffle iron with butter or coconut oil. Pour about 1/3 cup batter into the center and cook according to the waffle irons instructions. 
Top your waffle with strawberry sauce, or dress it up savory with arugula, vinaigrette, a fried egg and a generous sprinkle of feta cheese. 

/roasted strawberry sauce/

2 cups halved strawberries
1 tsp. olive oil or other oil
2 tbsp. maple syrup
pinch of salt

Preheat the oven to 350'. On a parchment lined baking sheet, toss the strawberries with the oil, maple and salt and spread in an even layer. Roast for 20 minutes until the strawberries breakdown. Remove to cool slightly. Transfer the strawberries and all their juices to a bowl for serving. 

/ savory waffle /

arugula
jalapeno vinaigrette
fried egg
feta cheese

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ROSEMARY ALMOND MEAL BREAD

A friend brought me this loaf after I had Cleo, over a year ago now, and I still think about it. She was very much a fast food girl in a season of taking care of herself - in part by learning to cook and eat cleaner, so it felt even more special. A loaf made of mostly ground almonds, flaxmeal, eggs, a few other pantry staples and studded with bits of fresh herbs. I would slice and toast it and spread a thin coat of coconut oil or butter on top and it was heaven to a tired and overwhelmed spirit at the time. Food has a beautiful way of evoking memories. I can remember how I felt, where I was, the state of our home with muslin swaddles drapped over every chair and pacifiers that my baby had no interest in but I kept trying for the chance at quiet. I remember that there was always a child in my arms when I think about eating that loaf. I did a quick search online and found what is pretty close if not exact to what I remember of the recipe she texted to me a year ago. I liked it that much, my photographic memory could recall the ingredients, just not the amounts. Anyway. I made it again yesterday and we did the same. Nibbled on it through the day and then I made it again the next day because I had some lost time to make up for. 
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In other important news, I am roping you guys in on my resolution to be a better lover of people. That's a general goal, I know, as the scale for that is short and long and deep and wide as you all know in your own lives. That can mean my own family or people I may never have any contact with. I am planning to host a couple dinners to raise money for charities that need more resources to fund the good work they are doing. I figure that instead of just donating money, I can put that money towards hosting a meal and then multiply those funds with the help of the guests. I want my feet on the ground too, but I have to start somewhere and this is a way I can do something by way of this platform. My hope is to gather with different, compassionate people to stir conversation and awareness and raise funding for organizations who have their hands in there getting shit done. The fact that dinner will be served is secondary; food merely being the glue that binds us. The price tag is high, but keep in mind this is to raise money. That is the focus. Given the present state of affairs, I am going to be donating all proceeds to the International Rescue Committee who respond to the world's worst humanitarian crises. I don't know how the fine details of all of this are going to go, but for now, I am planning to host two, twenty person dinners. The tickets are available on the Shop tab on the left side. If you don't live close, perhaps we could get a fire started to host dinners like this in other cities. Anyway, long overdue but here we go.

ROSEMARY ALMOND MEAL BREAD // Makes one 9x5 loaf
Recipe adapted from Mind Body Green

This loaf is to resemble a savory bread, not a sweet loaf, even though the texture makes you think of one. That said, it can take savory additions: chopped sun dried tomatoes, feta, olives, lemon zest, a micro-planed clove of garlic or bits of dried fruit if you'd rather go that direction. I am giving you the base recipe and trust you can manage the add ins, no more than 1/3 cup would be my suggestion. The subtlety here is part of the loafs' charm. 
The loaf is best day one. Still delicious day two but it does start to dry out at this point as flaxmeal sucks up any sign of moisture. Keep the loaf wrapped tightly in plastic wrap.

4 eggs
2.5 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil or warmed coconut oil/
1 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar
1.5 Tbsp honey

2 1/4 cups ground or blanched almond meal
1/4 cup ground flax
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1 tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. fresh thyme leaves, plus more for garnish
2 tsp. fresh rosemary leaves, chopped, plus a little more for garnish

Preheat the oven to 360' and grease a 9x5 loaf pan or line it with parchment paper.

In a mixing bowl, combine the eggs, oil, cider vinegar and honey and whisk well to combine. Add the almond meal, flaxmeal, salt, baking soda, thyme leaves and rosemary leaves and stir them into the wet mixture until evenly combined. Transfer to the prepared loaf pan and sprinkle a few extra herbs and a sprinkle of salt on top.
Bake on the middle rack for about 22-25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out dry. 

FOR MY GIRL

Sissy girl,

Years ago, I posted a letter to your brother here, as this place is my memory book of sorts. It was just a few weeks before he came and I had no idea what I, as a mother, would think and feel and love and be challenged by. I keep journals for you both but don't write in them nearly as often as I had hoped and when I do, I feel at a loss for words.

Do I make note of the things you do?

That when you smile on purpose, your gorgeous blue eyes squint shut. That the only word we can coax out of you is "uh oh!" and you exclusively scream and squawk with a glass-breaking pitch when you "talk" to your brother, and come to think of it, he is pretty loud himself so perhaps you perceive that as his language. That when Dad or I can stroke your bare belly you literally freeze and completely zone out, you don't even blink or breathe you are soaking it in so hard. Like a loyal Labrador. That you love berries and take your eggs scrambled, absolutely never hard boiled, will inhale roasted butternut squash but not touch a delicata, and have a strange discernment for water being in your cup too long. It must be fresh. You are not even one yet and you have so many opinions, oi. You are unbelievably cuddly, maybe even more so than your Dad and that's really saying something. You two together just melt me. 

Or is the journal a place for my feelings and emotions - something you may flip back to when you are a young mother yourself? There won't be enough people telling you that it's hard and that that is alright because hard things are also good. That you'll start to look tired, quicker, because you are, but how rich in love you feel sometimes couldn't make you care less. But then other times that exhaustion will make you wish bedtime would just come sooner so you could sit and not be needed. Being a mom is the hardest best thing. I hope you get to experience it - if you want to, of course. 

Surely I'm supposed to make note of your milestones but they start to blend into our everyday life. I can't remember when those teeth came through, but I have scars on my nipple from when you decided to test out their function while breastfeeding like I was a piece of jerky. You're lucky I allowed you back, missy. 

Your brother may have made us parents, but you came and made us feel like a family. You have the lightest spirit of the four of us. I mean, you're 11 months old so hopefully you don't have a lot weighing on your heart but I can just tell. We're born with those sorts of constitutions. Curran is a thinker. He figures things out, needs to be engaged, is a bit of a perfectionist and runs on the moodier/emotional side but you, you are generally just a happy little girl. A complete mess, clingy, you can rage when you want to, but you are so full of joy. I took you to Costco last weekend and you just stood in the cart on top of the apple squeezers box, hanging onto the side and lit up for anyone who would look at you in your adorable romper and big white headband. I want to be as happy as you! People tell me how beautiful you are but it is nothing compared to what I can tell is inside you, my girl.

I made these muffins because I saw how you couldn't palm one into your face fast enough at the coffee shop last weekend. I will disappoint you and make mistakes and yell when I wish I wouldn't but feeding my family, that act of service, is something I hope you see as an extension of my affection for you guys. I already have the cutest little kids apron on standby for when you're ready to mix and stir with me, my girl. I am, we all are, crazy about you. 

WHOLE WHEAT BANANA-CHOCOLATE MUFFINS // Makes 18 muffins
Adapted from The Vanilla Bean Baking Book by Sarah Kieffer

Sarah's book is remarkably tested and full of classic and delicious baking recipes. I wouldn't qualify it in the health sphere per se but her brownies and muffins are perfect and I can't wait to try more when I am looking for classic baked goods. I made a few tweaks here due to only having exactly one cup of whole wheat flour on hand, so I substituted oat flour. Mine look a little flat because of this. C'est la vie. I also added cinnamon because I couldn't help myself but I made the notes to offer you her original in the recipe. Sarah suggests toasted pecans if you like crunch and says that these muffins freeze well if 18 muffins is a lot for you. Sidenote: I've damaged by old muffin tins but have been loving these (pictured) if you're in need of new ones. 

2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1 tsp. cinnamon (my addition, optional)
3/4 cup olive oil
1 cup buttermilk (or 1 cup coconut milk with 1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice)
1 cup mashed ripe banana (about 3 small)
1 large egg
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup natural cane sugar
1 diced banana
1 cup chocolate chips
turbinado sugar, for sprinkling

Adjust an oven rack to the lower middle position. Preheat the oven to 375'. Place liners or grease your muffin tins. 
Whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon in a large bowl. Make a well in the center.
In a large bowl or liquid measuring cup, whisk the oil, buttermilk, mashed banana, egg, vanilla, maple and sugar until completely combined. Pour the wet ingredients into the well in the dry and stir until almost combined. Fold in the diced banana and chocolate until just incorporated, being careful not to overmix (there will be lumps and the batter will be thin). 
Scoop the batter into the prepared tins, filling the cups about 2/3 full. Sprinkle with turbinado sugar. Bake 15-18 minutes until the edges are golden and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.